Updates

I'll be back in London exactly a week from now. Being sent away from home *sigh* sucks, that's me being very honest. I wonder how people can ever want to move out at my age and stay with some boyfriend whatever. Anyway, no worries...The only two things which trouble me are not being able to find my guardian's house (all the houses along that row look the same, besides, he still hasn't put up the house number plate) and not being able to open their front door. I'm pathetic at using keys. I'm such a joke.

My AS results are okay. Biology was better than expected but not ideal because of *beep*. If I could, I would wish to throttle *beep* (you- know- who). Deep down, I know I could have done better and I should have (though my parents are very happy already). I've let down all my years of 'suffering' at RV and at HC. I had better stop myself from complaining and look towards the future, namely finishing my personal statement and brushing up those meagre interview skills. Somehow, I always manage to make myself look shifty and delinquent- like at interviews. How lucky.

Good grief, I need to get started on some packing!

Another great thing, I passed the diving theory test. Gosh, but I could have gotten full marks! Nitrogen narcosis...ohh. But that's alright. *sniffs indignantly*

Come on girl, ditch the stupid kiasu attitude.
Aaah...that's better.

Today's lesson was fun. Would have been better if it weren't one- to- one, more people around introduces the fun factor (provided you aren't the worst of the lot) and lets you laugh at others (not the mean kind okay). But then again, a lesson specially tailored to your individual needs isn't all that horrid too. I hate my nose, sinus and ears. Stupid mucus. I think I'm in very real danger of rupturing my eardrums. Being down with a cold sucks. Must remind myself tomorrow to ask to learn that fancy dolphin thing, the flutter is effective but mundane.

I want a shorty. I want a shorty! My current suit makes me look like a retarded 太空人. It's tough getting into it and just worse trying to struggle out of it. Must have looked absolutely moronic.

I'm rubbish at fixing up the BC etc. Was even worse at attaching the weight belt underwater. It's bloody heavy! Maybe I don't have the strength to tighten it. Dunno. Argh. But still, it's a very excellent experience overall. Snorkelling is cool too and so much easier.

Get well get well. I need to/ want to/ must get well by tomorrow!

Love,
-xinying-
Oh so frustrated...

Hi again

Been doing quite a few things over the past weeks. A bit lacking on the shopping side though...still need to get myself a durable pair of shoes and pants to fit my ever- expanding bum. Puny tailored- for- Asian- women clothes don't fit me anymore regretfully. Not that I'm getting any taller. Tried a pair of trousers on today and carefully examined my 'otherside', my behind was in a word, awful.

Very trivial matters aside, on to less frivolous things.

Basically, my AS results are to be released in roughly three days time. *shudders* I'm soon to be reduced into a nervous wreck. Like almost my whole life will rest on the few As, Bs or Cs reflected on the result slip. Gosh, this might (might) determine whether I would die a pauper or a god- knows- what in fifty years time (provided I swear to cross the road properly for a whopping fifty years). I'm making the AS- es sound so very important, undoubtedly they are...I mean the university I go to, my career, my life blah. Let's be positive, Fs aren't bad too. In fact, I might make an excellent and extremely adaptable parasite!

Darwinian laws at work.

My personal statement sounds thoroughly cheesy. Need to go through it again tomorrow. I solemnly swear to work harder on that one. But then again, I haven't got very many impressive things to put down. It isn't as though I've won loads of Maths Olympiads and am too 'modest' to include it or something. I genuinely have nothing fantastic or 'wow' to impress the admission tutors. Plain (and naff) Jane in trouble. Haha, it's all down to my literary skills now.

I want to go back to school yet I don't want to go too...

I'll write again.

Love,
-xinying-

Billy Elliot and Cambridge

The Musical

The house outing on Thursday (6th July) was to Covent Garden and Victoria (to catch Billy Elliot). Had an Indian dinner.

Kasia, Zakiyyah and me in A Tale of India (the restaurant name)

Us at Covent Garden

The musical wasn't bad. The only thing: they had a terribly strong northern accent and a bit too many *f* words and the *b* ones so on. The storyline was pretty good but the tunes weren't that catchy. AND they didn't have Ben and Jerry's ice cream at Victoria Palace.

Cambridge

Visited Cambridge with Olivia, Laura and Joanna. We got up at 5am just to catch the coach and missed breakfast. Anyway, the B and B owner was not very honest (in my opinion). He claimed that there would be some cereals and bread for those who left early but there was nothing for us at all. To think the 220 pounds included the breakfast charge and we didn't even eat any of it!

Sat through 2 talks, one in the Babbage Lecture Theatre and the other in the Biffen Lecture Theatre. I nearly dozed off, don't think it's a very good sign because a good portion of general university teaching will be conducted in the form of lectures. To think of it, I have never actually been very successful trying to keep awake during long talks.

Followed Joanna and Laura to Downing College. In short, it's BIG and it's so GREEN. But I really don't understand why most colleges don't have basins in the student rooms. A sink is a basic facility...argh.

Walked all the way back to the Babbage Lecture Theatre in Downing Site by myself. By myself! I get so afraid when I have to wander around a strange place just armed with a map. Attended a medicine lecture (and nearly fell asleep again), then ran off to explore or rather visit colleges and get lost. Looked at Queen's, Christ's, Emmanuel, Pembroke and Sidney. Most of them had no sinks, sigh. Met Oli halfway and went late for the anatomy intro lecture.

The anatomy lecturer was amazing! He didn't look like one but he delivered the most captivating lecture I had ever come across in my short little life. The theatre looked old and there were huge blackboards. Blackboards?! I will not forget that theatre, the typical studious environment it offers.

Now all I have to do is sit tight, work hard and hope that I will do well enough to enter a good university.

Love,

-xinying-

Sometimes I just wonder what's the purpose of having 'friends' when everyone around seems so f*cked up.

I'd rather have no friends than be treated like a 'back- up' friend. They only come to you to ask for things or when they haven't got anyone else to look for.

Why can't all men be islands? Solitary is good.

Bronze

The best time to go on an expedition is undeniably summer. The days are long (meaning you can afford to walk more slowly before the sky gets dark) and it's warmer (ie. no need to weigh the sack down with layers of spare thick clothing). Furthermore, it's a lot less rainy.

Packing the rucksack was quite easy this time round, given all that I've been through. It was loads easier than packing for Gold, with less food and clothes etc. The sack was reasonably light.

There's this strange feeling that's suddenly come over me, a 'I don't wanna type no more!' feeling. A kind of laziness. Shall keep this simple then.

Sat in the minibus with St. Helen's Alfie (a beautiful golden lab) all the way from Farnley to our starting point. Alfie's just so calm when sitting in a moving vehicle unlike Diddy, who keeps clawing at the leather seats and fidgeting out of anxiety perhaps. The only bad thing: I had to tolerate the whiffs of doggy breath puffed at my face and the drips of drool. Mmm...

We got lost the very minute we started walking. I reckon we were the last group to leave the starting point. That was about it for the first day, everything else went smoothly except for us having to walk through a field reeking of sheep poo. Walking straight into thorns wasn't that wonderful either and going through this random field where we nearly thought we were lost. Generally, it was really good and there were no major challenges along the way.

Got to the campsite soon enough. Unfortunately, we weren't the first group there. An embarrassment perhaps? Well, all the 4s got there before us and they have in a way, less outdoor experience than us. We basically cheated in setting up the tent. Ate way too much for dinner. It didn't rain at all. Perfect. I hate sleeping in tents, makes me feel so stiff all over in the morning.

There were lovely shower cubicles and I brought my towel along but the rest of the group members forbade me from washing- up. Boos! Apparently, we had to all smell terrible together.

The next day was not too good. We got lost twice because of crap map- reading skills and wrong directions given by random people. Walked extra. Got into trouble in the forest with the bees which kept insisting on flying at us and buzzing in that disgusting fashion. I hate insects (arthropods to be more specific, all of them!) and that noise which they never ever stop making. Oh and the feet. Walking is actually so painful. It's like this dull sensation of pain in both feet which just gets worse when you stop for a break. I suppose the key is just to keep walking despite the soreness.

Ooh, and when we were walking up a particularly long stretch of uphill, we saw a whole line of rich pussies (??) with nicely woven luncheon baskets driving antique cars. Tried asking them for road directions but they were like 'Oh, I don't know...' Good grief, they don't know the road when they're driving? Some joke. It's ridiculous. Shouldn't be so unhelpful just because you're heading to some stupid picnic yea.

I'm very happy with my decision to go running in the gym so often. I know that my stamina's improved tremendously, given the fact that all the walking didn't tire me out absolutely. More running. Wheeeeeeeee!

Anyway, the whole Bronze expedition didn't go too badly. A walk in the Cotswold is heaven compared to the High Pike, Low Pike, Windermere business back at the Lakes. And at least I didn't get any blisters or bruises so shouldn't be complaining really. I think I passed...

Love,
-xinying-

PS. I'm going home in less than two weeks time! How happy is that =)

Summer exeat

It's extended exeat for the SFCs but not for me though. Me with no place to go. Apart from the usual Saturday and Sunday off, last Friday and today (Monday) are also legal SFC holidays. Basically, I've been stuck in the house for the last four days.

Well, I did surpass my relaxation expectations. Watched quite a few films- The Girl with a Pearl Earring, Constant Gardener, Carousel, Monty Python's The Meaning of Life and Legally Blonde 2.

I thought Carousel (by Rogers and Hammerstein) was pretty bad in the sense that the 'hero' or rather the protagonist wasn't even heroic at all. Billy Bigalow (the name already sounds quite ridiculous) is in short, a silly, conceited, hot- tempered, rude wastrel. The songs they wrote were fine. The storyline a bit...I sound so much like a movie critic. The point is Billy's led a short 'wastrel' life living off his relation (inherited through marriage) and being very unfair to his wife. He dies and is given the chance to return to Earth for one day to redeem himself. Anyway, at the end of the film, I felt that he still hadn't done enough to redeem himself. Dodgy.

Constant Gardener wasn't too bad. The theme of the show revolved around pharmaceutical companies testing their newly developed drugs on third world citizens (Africa in this case). I think a thought- worthy thing from the show is this: Tessa (a diplomat's wife) is travelling through a street in a car and she sees two little African children on their way home, they need to walk at least 40 more miles. She asks her husband whether they can give the children a lift and her husband says this 'We can't help every single child we see'. Tessa's argument 'These are two children we can help'. Likewise in another scene, Quayle is being airlifted out of a troubled region under attack from some armed bandits. He wants to take a little orphaned girl with him to safety but the aid agency representatives prohibit him from doing so. Their excuse, 'We can't help every single one of them'.

So, drug testing. Testing on animals has already stirred up a huge controversy in Oxford. What about testing on humans? Say, the uninformed (as in do not understand the consequences the tests will have on their health) impoverished people who have given their consent or those who agree only due to their poverty- stricken conditions ie. the tests for food swap. In the film, I can see where the drug companies are coming from. Those people's lives can be bought cheaply and what's even better is that they won't sue if anything goes wrong. Sacrifice these to save the rest of the world. But ethics...

Back to Tessa's argument. It's obvious one can't save every unfortunate soul in the world but would you stop to help one out of misery? Just one? Will it make a difference? Or would you put on your blinkers and disregard that one life ie. treat that one soul as a part of the millions you wouldn't be able to reach out to anyway? I guess the answer is pretty obvious to me, one is definitely better than none.

Pretty bleak huh?

***

Very annoying, today is the last day of exeat. School begins again tomorrow. Stop thinking about it okay, if it makes you feel weird. Think about the 'horrors' of school later.

Oh yes, what else did I do over exeat apart from watching movies? Well, I went shopping for my walking socks. The two big outdoor stores in town didn't have any decent female walking socks, they were all too thin for proper mountain walking (by that I mean trekking with heavy rucksacks). Despicable, do the manufacturers think that only men can walk? That's just a joke, they must have run out of stock. I wasted so much brain cells trying to find a Men's size S (the approximate equivalent of a Women's M which I can wear) and the weeniest one they had were only Men's M. Disgusting. Bought a pair of Men's M and left in disgust. When I got back to the house and tried them on, they fit like magic. Didn't know my feet were so big...All smiles now really.

I've been checking out the various B and B's around Victoria and the quickest way of getting from Victoria to Heathrow. My choices:

1) Take the Tube for £4 from Victoria to Heathrow Terminals 1,2 and 3 then take the free Heathrow express from Heathrow Central to Terminal 4. This is troublesome because I'll be carrying lots of luggage and I'll have to change lines twice. Furthermore, if there's an Underground strike, I can basically forget about going home. This takes about an hour but dependent on delays.

2) Take the Heathrow Express for £13 from Paddington. But I'm too lazy to go from Victoria to Paddington. And I hate trains.

3) Take the National Express for £10 to Heathrow Central then take the free Heathrow Express. This is by far the fastest and most reliable method.

I feel stupid, of course I should go for option 1. What in the world am I fussing about?

And should I apply for a student's National Express card for £10 which can only last me a year?

I dislike making decisions which involve money in them. Makes me worry.

Love,

-xinying-

Untitled

Great fleas have little fleas upon their backs to bite 'em,
And little fleas have lesser fleas, and so ad infinitum.
- Augustus de Morgan

Just a little quote from the book I'm reading now- Richard Fortey's 'Life: An Unauthorised Biography, A Natural History of the First 4,000,000,000 Years of Life on Earth'. I know, it does sound rather dreary but it's brilliant. Was reading stuff like how paleontologists classify fossils and assemble skeletons and guess what, today's biology lesson was about classification.

I also got another book I'm dying to read, 'A Concise History of the Modern World'. By the look of things, I'm obsessed with everything ancient.

That quote got me thinking. People just keep on discovering smaller and smaller well, let me just call them 'stuff'. They used to think that atoms were small enough but oh no, some smart guy had to tell the whole world about protons and the like. Now we have The Particles and their interactions which make up the study of particle physics. Atoms, protons, quarks ad infinitum. I suppose it's exactly the same for the big stuff. Our country, the Earth, the solar system, the Milky Way, the galaxy, the universe, who knows for sure where the End is. The quest is on, probing into the unknown. And of course, I read a book where the author was talking about humans trying to understand their brains using their brains. Cool.

Will there actually come a time where humans or any other being (remotely alive of course) finds out everything ie. the age of understanding and discovering the unknown will be at an end? Will there come a time when all our questions have been unlocked and answered? Historically speaking, some of the most fundamental questions are still yet to be answered.

Why are we here? What is the purpose of Life? If God didn't make us, who or what created the first what's- it- speck- of- thing which 'exploded' during the Big Bang? What will become of everything at the end of time?

***

Profound things aside, I've had such a sucky day.

My first A2 chemistry practical went so, so bad. I didn't finish the practical, thus missed such a great chance to observe the wonderful Group IV chemical reactions. There's absolutely no point asking Mr C to let me do it again during my free periods because the answer will definitely be 'No'. I miss Miss Cheong and the times when we could just repeat the experiment as many times as we liked (before the chemicals run out of supply) until we got the right results. Not only did I not complete the practical, most of the observations I put down were wrong. What's the matter with me? I know, I am just crap at practicals. 'Tis always been this way ever since I touched a test tube for the first time. Shit day.

Happily enough, Mr Morton and Mr Brewis are flooding my mailbox with 'Where's the Trangia from the Easter expedition? Return it by tomorrow!' I don't know okay. Just because it's borrowed under my name doesn't mean that I have it. Look here, when we went on the expedition, I only carried that Trangia for the first day. And when we were cooking, we borrowed another groups stove. Upon returning, everyone just chucked their Trangias in the store, some took stoves home to wash. In short, everything got messed and mixed up. Natsuki and I did try looking for 'our' stove during the cleanup but couldn't find it. Is it my fault? Sigh.

Yea yea, I should take responsibility for it since it's under my name. I'm such an idiot, should have let someone else collect it in the first place so they'll have to take charge of all these items instead. Bummer.

And I'm still fretting about my university choices. I'm starting to not want to go to university anymore...It's giving me a headache, all these choices. Fine, I know I'm rubbish at making decisions which may potentially have a major influence on the course of history (whoa!). Sometimes I wished I didn't have a choice, but then I would complain of course (ha ha). Wishy- washy. Yea that's me. When I think I've made up my mind, something or someone always has to come along and introduce a better idea. This is depressing, I confess I don't know what I want to do with my life. Honestly, I wish I had a crystal ball, just to see what the outcome is so I won't have to make decisions. Like look into the future and see what it holds for me. I'll just follow what that vision shows me.

Can't wait to retire. And I'm saying that before I've even started working. Absurd.

All this is very trying. You can't blame me for having no ambition. The thing is, I have very varied and wide interests. Forgot to mention that I'm fickle- minded too. Nearly everything seems to interest me (with the possible exception of law, business/economics related subjects, sports and architecture/interior designing). Everything I stumble across seems like another good idea. This is one of the reasons why I'm still thinking...

Must run off to pester *ahem* about the D of E planning stuff. Sigh. Why do I always have to be in charge?

Love,

-xinying-

PS. the other thing I wouldn't appreciate would be a course in management

Exam season

Looking at the past few entries, I realised that I’ve been starting each of them with ‘It’s a long time since I’ve last visited this page…’ or something apologetic along these lines. So I’ve promised myself to start this entry with something a little more special but oops, looks like I’ve done it again. Encroached on this off- limits taboo phrase of the season. Bugger.

It’s now the last half of this term, which means that my first year here is nearly at an end. Lovely. Means I can get out of this school soon. But wait, it’s actually quite comfy here, a very sheltered and enclosed environment. Logically speaking, why should I or even anybody else want to leave? Nay, I want to leave and get back home quick. I’ll be home in about four week’s time. But I have my exams to get over with first. Pooh to exams.

Just did my three biology papers this morning and it was pretty bad. Well at least I thought it was. Paper one was unusually bad, considering I’ve learnt it before in HC and again here. Nasty horrid paper. A bit too much to write in an hour. One measly hour mind you. Paper two was okay, but after taking in the shock dealt by paper one, I can hardly remember anything about the next paper. I suppose it was fine. Hope I didn’t miss out any questions. Paper three was as weird as expected but I wish they hadn’t included so many problems regarding nutrition and feeding. I’d rather they set something about the nitrogen cycle, hey look, I spent ages remembering that one. It’s all over and there’s naught I can do about the disastrous morn (my standards are high), like they say, there’s no point crying over spilt milk. So bad…so bad…A B is not unexpected now at the look of things.

Mummy and Jie came over for the half- term. It was a good change, at least I didn’t have to go to Uncle Beng’s and get ‘forced fed’ massive quantities of fruit. Just joking, Uncle Beng’s and Auntie Tina are wonderful people. I did get to guzzle a whole bottle of Kaya, anchovy fried rice and curry which wasn’t too bad after all. Pity we couldn’t go out exploring, Jie and me. Why do exams always get in the way? I hear you say ‘It’s just a fact of life.’ Then I’d rather not grow up, I want to fly away to Never- Neverland with Tinkerbell. Summer, the wonderful sunshine and the long daylight hours, I feel so sorry for myself and all those shut up indoors. So this is what JK Rowling meant when she described Harry and Ron studying Divination indoors during the lovely summer month.

BBC’s got really great tele programmes. This amazing one about the Barbarians. Some really weird ones e.g. Honey we’re killing the kids and the obsessive compulsive I- can’t- stop- cleaning- the- house Anthea Turner one. Enjoyed watching all these shows after 5 weeks of TV deprivation. The thing I don’t like about a common room is that you’ve just got to watch the programmes the others are watching (which is usually teen rubbish or something insensible).

I miss home. Already! Mummy and Jie left yesterday evening.

Down to my last two chemistry practice papers before the real one on Wednesday. Good luck (Hey, I don’t believe in luck!), god bless (Who? Me? I’m a firm believer in Science, rational thinking and the Evidence Before Belief theory) and best wishes. Can’t afford to mess up this one.

Love,
-xinying-

I haven't really got anything much to say. These few days have been terribly busy ones: got past year papers to do, uncovered Chemistry and Biology syllabi to finish and I still have to practice my Frankie guitar and keep up my fitness in the gym!

I have never felt more unprepared for an exam then now. Looking back, in RV they used to finish teaching months and months ahead so as to give maximum time for revision and preparation. England is so different. Disconcertingly different. What lack of preparation time. It's that sort of tiny, unpleasant sensation ever present at the back of the mind, constantly nagging and eating away into that originally rich source of confidence built up after years of exam- torment. Busy busy busy. Everyone's busy, face it.

I suppose there are some things I just won't come to understand. Like how people can do things half- heartedly especially if it's their job. Like the tennis coaching affair. The teacher IC has neglected to put my name on the list multiple times and has repeatedly messed up my lesson time slots. Hello, she's the teacher in charge of tennis coaching for field, it's her job to make sure that the students' lessons are properly timetabled. What else is she hired for?

And then it's the summer expedition dates. The teacher keeps forgetting to give the required information to me. Keeps. How on earth am I going to get an air ticket back if she doesn't settle the dates with me? Perhaps it's mean to make a judgement now, but some people just don't realise how much inconvenience they cause by 'accidentally' forgetting things or 'Ooops! It slipped my mind...Sorry'. Yes, it's good to know how to say sorry. But when sorry is said too many times, it doesn't mean anything to anyone anymore. Sorry would then become something said so as to get the crisis over and done with. Someone else cleans up after the leaky- brained 'Ooops I've forgotten it again' darling.

If you're given a task, don't 'just do it' as Nike says. Do it good. And do it as perfect as you can manage, without uncalled for glitches and hitches. The only exception might possibly be doing a routine, tedious exercise which would most probably not benefit anyone. I've noticed that I tend to make harsh judgements/ conclusions. It's not without reason. I know that I'm the sort of person who would aim to complete a task nice and proper, freak/ geek/ highly- strung/ afraid of criticism as some might say. Dunno.

'There are few whom I like, and even fewer whom I think well of.' A quote from Pride and Prejudice, recalled from the top of my head. I hope I'm not as extreme as that but trying to be more magnanimous is certainly not one of the easiest things to accomplish. I do marvel at those who can give others what is normally called 'another chance'. Say, a husband or maybe a sister who gambles. How can the victims of these people's vice ever forgive them. Gosh, I am so hard.

Expectations.

Expectations.

Makes me think of 'An Ideal Husband' by Wilde. Putting others on a pedestal which they daren't climb down from, afraid to lose the respect etc. from their family/ friends and so on.

How should we judge people? And according to what standards? Who makes these 'standards'.

Am I right to say 'That teacher is so inefficient'? But when you're feeling cross, all these thoughts just don't come. It's the angry, hateful feelings that gets to you first. The philosophising that comes later, and that's the one which can make you feel so bad.

Just my random thought for the day.

I know I sound miffed. It's just because I'm feeling exasperated with the people around me and I can't complain...

Hope I don't mess up my bit during the Physics prayers tomorrow by speaking too fast. I have this thing with talking at the speed of a bullet train. Slow down dear.

Love,
-xinying-

Recalled to life

Mmm, I've neglected bloggie for a nearly an eternity. Starved of updates and dead due to abandonment, Blog, here I am! Recall thyself to life!

Okay, that's a perfectly silly opening but then again, if one's blog cannot function as a space for creative writing, complaints and an outlet to vent various sorts of abuses, I'd rather not have any at all. Well, so long as I'm not saying anything bad about the PAP or on my way to becoming the Chee Soon Juan reincarnate, bloggie should be quite, quite safe. Except from hackers. May there still be some good- hearted hackers left in this world...please don't delete my blog.

Anyway, I've been away for ages. The last entry was mainly a 'complain Queen' one on the expedition. The expedition actually went quite alright for the first two days until...I overstrained my knee (it's terribly unused to mountain walking you see) and developed bruises on my soles (because I didn't get proper walking socks and I hadn't broken into my boots yet). Great. The scenery was amazing, except for when it started to rain (which was almost all the time). The winds were hideously strong and fat as I am, it was absolutely challenging to endeavour to root myself firmly to the ground. Needless to say it was nearly impossible to walk in a vaguely straight line. We had wind, rain , snow, ice and clouds to cheer us along. After a long hard day of walk, it's extremely difficult to force oneself to get out the Trangia and set a fire going. All I wanted to do was just to go to sleep standing. The poorly set- up tent leaked rainwater and the flaps kept hitting my head all night long. The tent got nearly blown away in the morning...Trugdged along for the remaining three days with my leg crying out in pain with every step.

Things almost always have two sides to them. When it didn't rain, the sky was so blue and the mountains tall. They who rise silently and kingly, from the bowers of the Earth. The lakes were picturesque. Duh, that's why they call it the Lake District. Got taught proper map reading and navigation skills by Mrs Vincent who's like the best outdoor teacher in Coll. Though most of us didn't pass the training, the experience gained is forever.

Stayed in The Wyastone Hotel with Natsuki after the D of E. The hotel was like heaven after 5 days in so- so to horrid conditions. I don't mean to say that the hotel was good comparatively, the service and the rooms were brilliant. So hospitable and the room and beds were huge! Anyway...

Oooh, forgot to mention the tutors' dinner which took place before the end of term. Some pictures first before I start rambling on again.

Actually, I only intend to insert one picture. What's with the 'some pictures'?

I'm not an fashion fanatic neither am I so fashion- unconscious. I would describe my dress sense as casual. This time, Miss Ralph said NO jeans and relatively formal clothes. I didn't have anything in my drawers which fit that criteria and just happened to mention that fact to a matron. Lets call her X as she is underaged and her true identity cannot be revealed. Crap, the underaged part is nonsense. I thought X would surely have some constructive ideas and helpful comments to make, but oh no. Instead of acting like what a proper matron should behave, she said in a sickly sweet voice, 'It's the apathy girls. If you tried harder you will have...' Then she went on to say more random things. Like what the hell is wrong with her? Can't she understand that when someone says 'I really don't have anything formal', that person isn't lying?

Shall not bother with people like her.

April's come and gone. And so have the Easter holidays.

The three weeks back in Singapore was so good. I can't possibly write how lovely it was to be away from school and not having to see the usual faces. I love change! In the past, Singapore used to be the home- work- study place, now ironically, it is the ultimate holiday- fun- relax destination. I just can't wait for the summer holidays. There are so many things I want to do when I get back but so little time...

The Easter hols was mainly for revision and meeting up with people. I did get to eat all the Asian food I wanted to =)

Love,

-xinying-

AHHHH

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Yes yes, I just want to scream out loud. I'm so tired and pissed and annoyed and and...Okay okay. It's nearly the end of term, which means I'm going home is no time at all. But, why must there always be 'buts' and 'howevers'? But, there's the D of E Lake District expedition in the way, a tiresome obstacle standing between me and home and happiness.

Bad news, I have to get my personal luggage all packed by like 8pm tomorrow night for storage in the Sports Hall. That, I'm nearly done with, just have to put in my shoes and travel documents at the last minute. But the whole thing is so sucky, Easter hols and I'm bringing back a whole stack of books, notes and past year papers to complete over the 3 weeks. What about going out? What about having fun? I mean, it's the Easter hols?! Those books will so weigh my luggage down. I will get charged with excess baggage...

The worst worst bit: packing for D of E. Oh my god. I have never ever ever been on any sort of outdoor hiking expedition, not to mention a D of E expedition. How on earth would I know what to pack and how to layer all my stuff in the tall rucksack? Good grief, I didn't pack in very many clothes but it's already taken up more than half the space. What about food? What about the stove? What about my platypus and thermos? Ahhhhh! So so stressed. What's more, the stupid idiotic sleeping bag won't won't fit into the rucksack. It's too bloody long. How am I supposed to carry it? Swing it around like a bimbo? The only available place has already been taken up by the thermarest. I really need to throttle somebody. Aha, will wait in ambush behind my room door and when someone passes by...I will jump out like a scorpion hiding in the sand and strangle that unfortunate soul.

Okay, you must be thinking 'this person is mad and a potentially dangerous homicidal maniac'. Yes, I must admit I'm near boiling point.

Why do I have to be born a girl? It's so unfortunate having your periods (I shouldn't be talking about this but I just need to pour out my feelings) when you're going on an expedition. Look at it logically, it's just gross not being able to bathe for like 4 days. Most shocking and unhygienic. Tried taking hormonal pills to delay it but It beat me to it, as in It struck first. I must have been emotionally disturbed, periods are affected by stress, emotional instability etc. something to do with the hypothalamus right? I really want to talk to daddy but he's in Bangkok with no M1 roaming. I'm not really talking sense am I? I don't care. I'm a bummer and a nutty loony.

Originally, I wanted to blog about more fun stuff eg. the tutor's dinner, the 3s Sound of Music production blah but I haven't the mood. What a pity. Woe is me.

Just hope I don't perish in the mountains or fall down a ravine and become paralysed for life.

Love,
-xinying-
The Unloved

PS. A bell is no bell till you ring it
A song is no song till you sing it
And love in your heart wasn't put there to stay
Love isn't love till you give it away
- Maria, The Sound of Music

How it makes sense!

Does it then mean, 'anger isn't anger till you vent it (on someone)'?

This is so totally random...

Halfterm (4)

Hopefully this will be the last of my halfterm entries. Queer, very queer indeed. Halfterm only lasted a week yet I'm still not done with banging out my thoughts. Anyway, a photo of Rita and me which I did not manage to upload onto the previous entry due to technical difficulties.

Happy, full and contented. Leicester Square.

I shan't blog about Thursday because I did absolutely nothing on Thursday. Cheerful!

Friday

Met up with Christine at ICL's Queen Building. By the way, Christine's my RVCO pipa senior. Gosh, I really have to put in the overused and cliched phrase 'how time flies'. We were both in RV, I was a teeny sulky sec 1 and she was my sec 3 senior. Who would have thought that we would meet up in London exactly five years later. Freaky. It's ever so good to meet up with a fellow Singaporean when you're in a foreign land, it just reminds you of home sweet home (not the weather in this case). Creepy, how people and faces don't change...we could still recognise each other despite not having seen each other for quite some time.

She brought me to IC's canteen to have lunch. Well, food wasn't all that great, what can I say? It's England...duh. Speaking about canteens, I think the best food can be found in Singapore. Even the most low- class canteen or hawker centre is bound to have some tasty food. I miss Singaporean food. Rather amusing, me- a nobody having lunch with all the brainy people. Wow! Amazing.

After lunch, we went for a walk in Hyde Park. To Christine's horror, she realised that I had been to more places in London than she had, she stays right smack in central London whereas I live in Cheltenham mind you. Haha. London's a fantastically great place to spend a week, there's just so much to see and do. My favourite hangout(s): The British Museum, The Science Museum and the Natural Science Museum. Okay, I know this sounds so nerdy but come on, those places are really great and besides, admission is free too. I so love historical sites. Should make it a point to visit Windsor and the old Tudor palaces some day. Not forgetting Salisbury Plains's Stonehenge. Savour the richness of the land's history, delicious and totally charming.

Ah yes, more photos.

Christine looks as smiley as ever and I look pure strange. What's with that face? Muscle spasms. Us outside Imperial College Science and Technology building.

Riddle for the dummies: guess who's missing in this photo?

Me looking ridiculous.

I blatantly refused to take any pictures with the ducks and swans. Who knows, they might be carrying the dreadful H5N1 disease on them. No, that's not true, the bird flu thingy hasn't been reported in the UK yet, nothing to fear everyone. I just don't like birds because they love poo- ing on me.

Last noteworthy event of the day: Christine showed me round ICL. In the previous entry I talked about attending the ICL Medical faculty open day and not enjoying it very much, basically the open day tourguides didn't show us any science labs, lecture theatres etc. Christine's personalised tour provided a start contrast to the open day. She brought me to the computer lab (all plasma and flat screens), lecture theatre, science department and the junior common room. Sigh...in the RV we both knew, out of the 40 old fashioned and slow computers, more than half were permanently out of order. Memories...=)

Saturday

Followed Uncle Beng and Aunt Tina all the way to Oxford again to drop off food for the three hungry people. Felt pretty stupid as that was my second trip to Oxford in a week. Saw Po- Laine, Ed and James again. I love their cosy little house...I am determined to have a house like that in the future.

Anyway, followed them for a dinner party at their friend's (rich Malaysian Chinese middle aged couple) place somewhere north of central London in one of the posh residential districts. The houses there are so huge and look spectacularly grand. Dinner was so good, my favourite crispy aromatic duck. There was king prawns, achar (the spicy veggie thing), spicy minced otar and most importantly RICE! I tried my best to be good and polite. Well, I was the only young person, the rest were all married middle aged people haha. Needless to say, they kept trying to make me eat loads.

The host had this fascinating machine. You stand on it and key in your height, weight, age and gender and it would magically produce the percentage of water in your body, the percentage of muscle and fat, your obesity level and your metabolic age. Honestly, I thought that machine was crap. There's no way to determine fat/ muscle composition in the body without doing any more detailed analysis. How would standing on it determine all these? Uncle Beng was classified 'OBESE' by the machine and promptly refused to eat the next day's breakfast and lunch.

Sunday

The guardians took me out for a dim sum lunch (heh heh heh...I love Chinese food) with their two other...erm...young people they take care of. I have no idea what the noun to describe 'young people they take care of' is but there you go. As usual, they ordered loads of food. Photos?

Uncle Beng and me. I look retarded as always.

Shin Han (??), me and Steve (??). Me looking retarded once again.

Er...Uncle Beng sort of forgot the time and I was nearly late to catch the coach back to Coll.

This halfterm was great. Why? Because I hardly did any work. Hehe.

Love,

-xinying-

Halfterm (3)

This is getting very, very draggy. I want to talk about today but I can't until I'm done with this...Why oh why does it take ages to blog about a week's happenings? The laptop's crazy, it's taking eternity to load...

Wednesday

In the last entry, I stopped after reminding myself that I got lost while taking the train from Oxford back to London. Reached some random and rather deserted (not to mention quiet) village but managed to get back to London safely.

Took the Tube all the way to Old Station and hopped off in search of Moorfields Eye Hospital to look for Uncle Beng and to 'tompang' all my shopping with him.

When I got out of the Underground, I saw this woman selling stuff by the roadside and I asked her 'Do you know how I...', and before I could even come to the subject of the question or make known the Topic of the Day, she said 'I don't know, I don't know!' Hey woman! At least she could have been more friendly or helpful. And even if she were a foreigner or unfamiliar with the place, she could have exercised more manners. Good grief! She reminded me awfully of the typical Singaporean 'aunty'.

The incident reminded me of a very similiar one which took place the halfterm before. I was looking for The British Museum and of course, I didn't know how to get there. Naturally, I asked a fluffy old dear how to get there, well, I chose to ask her because she didn't look potentially dangerous or anything like a mad serial rapist. She politely told me she had no idea and suggested that I ask the station officer. After I got the street directions clear, I was so surprised to see her still standing there. She asked me 'Are you clear about getting there now?' How sweet! I like nice, fluffy, white- haired old ladies!

Why do humans come in so many varieties? The rude ones and the sweet ones...I suppose it's due to the difference in upbringing. Perhaps if we had pseudocommunist state- run schools teaching everyone from a uniform syllabus coupled with the policy that all children belong to the State, then maybe everyone might be equally well brought- up. Not too bad heh?

Stop deviating.

Met Rita at the South Kensington Underground and we made our way to ICL's SAF (Sir Alexander Fleming) building. Okay, the guided tour was pretty bad (well, at least I thought it was). The tourguide showing us around spoke in a weak teeny voice which was impossible to discern above the background noise. She was endeavouring to converse with the ants, or rather the atoms within a 1 nanometre radius around her. Terrible...Besides the silent tourguide, the tour didn't live up to my expectations (by the way, I don't have terribly high standards). She brought us to the various departments within the medical faculty, however we only stood outside the department doors and admired the doors...absolutely ridiculous. ICL prides itself for possessing one of the best science facilities and yet we (potential students) were not shown any. The talk cum question and answer session didn't really help me a great deal. Most of the stuff they mentioned, I already knew from Medlink or the various uni prospectuses. Well, but at least I've been to an open day.

ICL isn't as pretty or picturesque as Oxford. It's too urbanised. Where are all my stone buildings and ducks?

Went to Leicester Square (aha, Chinatown!) to have dinner with Rita before she went back to Newcastle.

We spent ages looking for a budget dinner. Eventually we decided on this set dinner for 4. The two of us ate everything (which was meant for four people) and left with bloated, distended stomachs.

Love,
-xinying-

Halfterm (2)

Heh, halfterm's been long over for at least 2 weeks and I'm still stuck on the second leg of the writeup. Miserable, lazy me. I blogged about Sunday in the previous entry so today will be all about *Monday* hurrah!

Monday

Ah. It's ever so great waking up on a nice sunny Monday morning and know that there's no school (unless you failed your exams and know that you can never ever return to school). Am I speaking incoherently? The sentence doesn't sound grammatically right but anyways...Spent the whole Monday morning lazying around the house and reading old newspapers. Sometimes I really wished I was a retired old dear with time on my hands to do the things I really want to accomplish. Not stuff like reading the newspapers in order to get past the interviewers for a prospective job or for a university application. I want to read and do stuff without an ulterior motive, just plainly for pleasure of the activity itself. That's why I dislike making aims and drawing up a 'goal chart' (as it were), it makes things less enjoyable and I feel as though I'm not doing myself (or the book in my hands, if I happen to be reading a book) any justice.

So much for Monday morning and by golly, I can still remember what happened on a Monday two weeks ago! Sometimes I do freak myself out quite a bit by remembering the queerest and most obsure things. I can still remember the normal distritbution probability value for a Z- value of 1.96. Phi (Z) is 0.0250 by the way using the percentage points table. I can remember facts totally irrelevant to everyday life or my field of study, say 1AU= 95 million miles and a brief summary of how the doppler effect works and its application to the expansion of the Universe hypothesis, but when it comes to things like 'explain the process or hormonal release during the menstrual cycle' which would be tested in the AS biology exam, my mind goes blank and uh oh...
I must really stop deviating and talking about random stuff. So Monday afternoon I went all the way to Whitechapel to meet up with Yiwen. Had lunch in Nandos. Ordered a quarter chicken with spicy rice and coleslaw (is this how you spell it?). Our table had two bottles of spicy peri- peri sauce and very spicy peri- peri sauce (which according to them, should only be tried by the very bravest). Bullshit. Very spicy isn't even three quarters as spicy as a drop of the Singapore Hainanese chicken rice chilli sauce. I want chicken rice. I crave for chicken rice. Wait four more weeks. Patience.

After lunch, she took me to Sainsbury's to do a bit of shopping. Aha, not the clothes and lipstick shopping but grocery shopping! Good good, now I know more about life as a medical student. Haha, the two of us weren't very experienced super grocery shoppers and we had some trouble figuring out which sort of chocolate to get for baking, where to find rolled oats and how to source for the cheapest lemon. But we did get everything in the end.

Went to her house to do some baking: a crusty delicious looking (according to the cookbook) salmon pie. Sounds good right? Cooking and cutting the broccolis and salmon went fine, easy enough for a cooking sucker like me. We didn't have a piping bag for the crust...Desperate times call for desperate measures, we just used our hands (washed them first of course) to spread the 'kind of still hot but warm' pastry on the oven- able bowl. Dumped all the remaining ingredients onto the crust and chucked it into the oven. Well...it didn't taste all that bad, could have added more salt though. The crust, sigh, the sides were a bit thick and the base, rather thin (by logical deduction of course). But it was good. Left Yiwen with 2 more days worth of salmon pie.

Went to the Royal London Hospital to wait for Uncle Beng. Instead of taking me home straightaway, he showed me round his department, the genitourinary centre (something like that, the name was awfully complicated). I call it the Sex Centre in private. He gave me loads of health leaflets to take away and read ('...but I don't have STDs...' I protested in vain) haha. And I got to see microscopic images of lice from you- know- where and little germy things. He meant to give me some free samples of condoms but I think he forgot or perhaps didn't due to my violent 'what will I do with them...' protests. Argh, should have got those condoms, they're perfect for storing water during an expedition...sigh.

This is Monday in a nutshell.

Tuesday

Went to Oxford with Huda and Zakiyyah to have a look round the place. Woke up at 6 just to catch the train, stupid me...will not buy early train tickets in the future. Po- Laine was the honourary tourguide for that morning. Visited about five or six colleges in all: Christchurch, Worcester, Merton, Hertford, the red- bricked Keble and St John's. Ready for some pictures?

The Christchurch dining hall. Amazingly grand. Apparently this is the Harry Potter dining hall...Me, Po- Laine and Da(h). Note the prospectus =)

Zakiyyah, me, Da(h) and the gorgeous dining hall

Apparently Christchurch is such a filthy rich college, it even charges tourist admission fees just to look at the place. Haha, I got in there for FREE! Here's the secret:

- For grownup tourists, just find a kid (a teenager would be most convincing) and tell him/ her to clutch an Oxford prospectus. Tell the security guard that your child is most interested in applying to Christchurch college in the future. And you get to go through free! Just make sure the guard doesn't see any flashing cameras and don't don't DON'T mention anything about Harry Potter or wanting to see weird stuff.

- For real prospective students or Oxford student wannabes (like me), just hold a prospectus and tell them you're interested in applying. The colleges really welcome prospectives to look around.

Aaah, and remember Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone? Before they were sorted, Neville lost his pet frog Treville. The Christchurch stairway is the very one leading to the Great Hall where McGonagall gave them their very first introduction to the Hogwarts sorting ceremony in the film.

The three of us went round Oxford town to do a bit of shopping. Then we went to Po- Laine's house. Nice comfy house. We ate chocolates, had caramel McVities with tea and met James and his fascinating smoking device (still don't know how it works though). Then we went out again to explore the town. Visited the Ashmolean Museum and got my little ankh which will grant me eternal and divine life (I shall continue to live even in the afterlife), I will name it Ankhie (rhymes with my guitar Frankie okay). My god, the university is so rich, they even have their own store of antiquities! Got birthday presents for two people (one of them didn't even say thank you when it was given to her and my name was on the card?! No more presents for you in the future then! Huda and Zakiyyah left the place at night leaving me to spend Valentine's day with Po- Laine, Ed and James. I was so extra =( anyways...

Dinner was good really, I remember it (told you I remember these sort of unnecessary things). Erm...ham and spinach for starters, risotto as the main course and ice cream with strawberries for the dessert. Important important lesson the three of them imparted: find a flatmate who can cook and is willing to help do the cleaning up or life will be hell! They spent one hour (one hour!)deciding whether to bring me to their college bar, the pub or to stay in and watch the telly. In the end, washed up the dishes with Po- Laine, watched a juggling act put on by James and the film 'Hitch' (rather pointless show actually) which Ed cycled all the way to the store to rent.

So amazed with my memory retention power.

Wednesday

Left Oxford early in the morning for London.

The problem with taking the train is that you must know where it terminates in order to hop onto the correct one. I didn't. Didn't as in didn't know where it terminated and didn't hop onto the right one. In this case, two wrongs don't make a right.

I got onto this train (which I thought was the correct one at that time) which was meant to reach Reading Station in 45 minutes time. Passed by a lot of unfamiliar scenery, I tried reassure myself by thinking 'must have slept on the journey here so obviously didn't take in all of this, no wonder it's unfamiliar', but there was this nagging worry. The names of the stops began to freak me out, horrid names like 'Appleford' and 'Goring and Streatley', I was sure I hadn't seen all these names on the way here. Couldn't take it, thus got off and found myself in this random village in the middle of nowhere. Sure enough...lost!

My god, I was so scared and hard pressed for time because I had to make it to Imperial College by 12 to meet up with Rita for the open day. In my plan, before meeting up with Rita, I had intended to go and dump my stuff at guardian's house or with Uncle Beng at St Barts. All my plans were thwarted. Stupid train, stupid stupid me. The station guy wasn't very helpful. He told me to take the next train. He gave me such a black face that I didn't want to ask him more. Hello, there are two platforms...the next train on which platform? Do I have to change trains? What about my ticket? Silly man. Wasted loads of time waiting.

Arrived back in Paddington a whole hour later than originally planned. Was so worried that I would have to pay extra because of wrong time, wrong ticket, wrong train blah blah. No one found out.

Take #1 - Chucked the ticket away in relief.

Take #2 - Crumpled the ticket viciously and aimed vehemently at the dustbin with the pathetic remains of the ticket squashed tightly in my balled- up fist. (drama drama)

Love,

-xinying-

PS. shall continue Wednesday#s story some other time. Good grief, I'm only at Wednesday...when will I ever finish blogging about the halfterm?

Halfterm (1)

Ah ha. Time for some boring updates on my well- spent (?) halfterm. Let's start with Friday. Last last Friday.

Friday

The coach journey was okay. I wish they'd give more leg room and a wider buttock space. As usual, the coach was noisy with girls shouting (they don't seem to possess the ability to talk as in speak at normal amplitudes) and some bitching about their 'friends'. Oxford was the first stop.

Then someone wanted to pee quite desperately.

The teacher said no.

If I were her enemy, the arguing scene would be really hilarious. The girl was initially begging to be let off the coach to find a toilet. The teacher refused. The girl then quite naturally changed her tone and began reasoning then arguing. Okay, anyone in that desperate situation would get pissed off with the teacher. I mean, it's only natural to make regular and sometimes frequent trips to the loo, that's the way the human body functions. What else could we do with all that liquid and urea? Transpire...The teacher's refusal was based on the assumption that all girls who leave the coach for that short period of time would hide in some corner and take drugs or harm themselves. According to her, the Principal bans any girl from leaving the coach if they aren't dropping off at that location. I really don't know what to make of this whole business. In the end, the girl prevented herself from pee- ing on the coach for another 2 hours before we arrived at Paddington. I wouldn't want to be in her place.

The school should really hire a bus with toilet facilities, like the ones used by the National Express.

As a concerned guardian, Uncle Beng called to ask when I would be reaching Paddington. Unsurprisingly, I hadn't a clue. The English countryside basically looks the same to me, all green with rolling hills, charming to phrase it simply. The towns all look the same too, with their oldish buildings and lack of high- rise skyscrapers (relatively speaking when compared to Singapore). Anyway, I just estimated a time, 830pm. I could always wait by the roadside.

Time always proves me wrong and I reached at 810pm. Horridly cold and I rang to 'hurry him' or rather make my arrival known. Couldn't get through as there was no connection. Great. I thought I was doomed to stand shaking in the cold for another 20 minutes. I later found out that he was having a nice hot teh- tarik in some Malaysian restaurant...and me shivering in the cold! But it's okay. A bit of cold can toughen one up, besides I was quite thankful I didn't have to take the Tube all the way to Lee by myself. What's a little bit of cold?

Had a great Malaysian dinner with curry chicken, rendang, mee goreng, vegs and rice. Rice. Real Thai fragrant rice, not the fake Italian or undercooked sort the school keeps cooking for supper.

Saturday

Nothing much really. Just went to the Lewisham shopping mall with my guardians. Bought a new warm fleece hoodie. I never fail to declare to the world that I hate the colour pink, and strangely enough, almost all the clothes I buy and own are coloured pink. This time wasn't an exception.

Rushed to finish the Bio coursework. Tedious thing.

Sunday

The guardians brought me to Ramsgate- a nice little coastal town somewhere in Dover I should think. Took me along because they were there to visit a friend and for convenience sake, let's call her Cheryl. Actually, her real name is Cheryl...

Cheryl has this really chubby, cute, blond, talkative granddaughter. Oh yes, forgot to mention the big eyes. Big eyes. Gosh...Even though that was the first time she (talking about the granddaughter here) was meeting me, she gave me a big hug and dragged me off to play jigsaw with her. Sociable babies are always nice. This tod was okay because she didn't even cry or pout and wasn't too hyperactive. I'm mortally afraid of hyper kids because my aging metabolic rate doesn't allow me to keep up with them. Need more iodine. Cheryl also has four cats. Nice, fat, rolly- polly cats with soft, silky fur to cover their fleshy bodies. Okay, I think I sound like a cat- eater here. Actually, I DO sound like I'm hungry for cat meat, good grief! But I was kept entertained.

Went for lunch with Cheryl and her family and another family (friends of the guardians).

Love,
-xinying-

Continue next time

First things first

Yesterday was the last official day of the spring halfterm and the first day of The Great Depression. The grownups always say, 'Lookie here young person (spoken with a patronising air), you should be eternally grateful to be able to attend school...we had to cope with the war!' Yes yes. It makes sense. But almost all normal kids feel sad to wave goodbye to the hols, unless you're Harry Potter and bursting with anxiety to leave the Dursleys, that is. Enough moaning, at least I did have a good nine days of 'short- lived' happiness.

Yes, I do want to blog about the fun fun halfterm but I shall postpone that entry to later and write instead on something weighing too heavily on my mind...good grief, it's sinking! Let's get over with the bad things first and keep the good nice bits for later, the way all happy- ever- after stories go.

Guess what...stupid higher education. Surprised? I just hate thinking about it. Medicine or not? If not, what else? Urgh...I don't want to end up jobless, papa's not a trillionaire. But what job? Okay, I still stick to my 1) hate building bridges, 2) saving the worthless lives of serial rapists, 3) teaching pesky little people and 4) standing around showing people things (shopkeepers, hotel staff blah). I cannot do any of those. That narrows the career- o- scope down to Science. I didn't mention anything about the liberal arts or humanities but face it, I can't be bothered to write and besides, I haven't a clue about the rules of grammar. Can't do music too, most naturally untalented.

So, we're left with science.

Glorious science.

Like a tree, science has many branches, or shall we say, roots. What aspect of it? Medicne? I fully, totally, absolutely and strongly agree that medicine is a good choice. If not, why would there be so many medics around, they're not thick, very intelligent good people they are. I would encourage everyone else to take up that wonderful profession (just don't compete with me for a place at uni okay). But mommy and daddy, you know perfectly what I think of medicine. Uncomfortable with surgery, despairing over the necessity to memorise long medical terms and not too keen on helping. You know how selfish, mean and Scrooge- like I can get, don't you? In short, not wildly passionate about the whole idea of medicine. In fact, biology at school isn't that interesting...When I learn a new fact, it's like 'okay...yeah...if you say so...' instead of the positive, fiery 'Cool! How amazing! Never knew that. Gimme MORE!' The human system, yeah, fine with that.

The whole point is that I don't mind taking up medicine. However everyone here says 'Young person, you must find a job which you would be happy with for life. For life...you're going to be stuck at it for a long, long time you know. No space for regrets whatsoever...' No no, I'm not the kind who regrets things for life but what about my Physics? My problem in a nutshell: I might not regret taking up medicine but I will regret not studying Physics.

Then there comes in the problem about practicality, job opportunities...I don't know.

Don't want to think about it yet compelled to. I wish I had a crystal ball, want to find out the outcome, wish I had someone to tell me what to do and give me a direct command. But whatever it is, don't force me. See...I'm contradicting myself.

Dear Aunt Agony,

Poor confused soul here. Tell me what to do.

Love,
-xinying-

Pathetic.

More updates

I don't quite remember where I left out from the previous post. So many things have happened. Oh yes, Chinese New Year.

Initially, the school changed the SFC yoga venue and instructor from the Beale drawing room to the GCR and from Dr Laver to this Ros Camp person. Well, I prefer having yoga in Beale. Duh. It's my house so I don't have to specially travel to other houses. Dr Laver also makes a fantastic yoga instructor too, wasn't too enthusiastic about changing teachers. The only good thing is, yoga in the GCR at Coll means that I am entitled to tea and Coll serves much, much better tea than the ones the Beale kitchen staff make. Anyway, they've moved yoga back to Beale. So much for the tea and whatever else. Mmm, on Monday Dr Laver helped me get into this 'bridge' position. Oh my back, my poor back. Don't suppose I'll ever do that again, that pose is impossible for me to get into on my own. But yoga is good.

The other days were more or less normal.

Took part in a group Chemistry practical competition this morning; VAM or Valid Analytical Measurement. Okay, in more enlightening terms, a titration competition. Supposed to make up this standard solution using potassium blah blah phthalate crystals, but they didn't give the mass needed in the question paper, and on purpose. How wicked. Then we had to make up another standard solution of ethanoic acid. The organising body issued each group with only ONE vial of the acid solution, mind you, just ONE vial so no room at all for the slightest mistakes. The subtle instructions were to pipette 25ml from the vial with an unknown volume of acid into a beaker. Guess what, my group messed up. Didn't really understand the instructions and forgot about the other alternative; clarifying with the teachers, but just dumped the whole lot of vinegar into the beaker. Screwed up of course, just 10 minutes into the 3hour long competition. Not much point in continuing so left the lab. Wasted. But I'll be back next year and my group will win. Haha.

This week's rock climbing was much tougher than last week's one. Only managed to get to the top of one wall. My arms tired much quicker this week. I wonder why. Indoor rock climbing's fun in a strange way, as I've said before, tiring but satisfying even if you don't get to the top.

Went for this Canton Road charity thing by the Anglo Chinese society. Firstly, the Anglo Chinese society should be renamed the Anglo HongKong society. I mean almost all the members are HK girls...And by naming the charity event Canton Road, 'Canton' for the Cantonese representing the population of Hong Kong. Anyway, it doesn't really bother me, I'm not in that club. They promised a Chinese meal. Well, it was okay I suppose, never like mommy's home cooking or Crystal Jade. The lemon chicken tasted strangely of McDonald's chicken nuggets...Oooh, why don't these foreigners learn how to cook Chinese food properly?! Sigh. Look's like we Chinese are superior when it comes to literature, cooking, culture etc. I got rice at least and that's better than cheesy cauliflowers =) Ooh and they were also selling dried barbequed pork, haha, got my rou4 gan1 at last. But the packeted portions were so small...

Just read this fascinating article in The New Scientist on how science is related to religion and the hypothesised history of religion. So interesting. It's a hard article but I'll get through. I will!

Love,
-xinying-

Happy Chinese New Year

Saturday (yesterday)

Okay, I haven't been blogging for ages. Reason, always 'busy'. I was genuinely busy yesterday. Had the usual Saturday morning sessions which are more or less rather unnecessary but compulsory. I signed up to listen to this talk by the woman who sort of invented Viagra (most probably she was part of a team of people who did the work together). It looked scientifically interesting on the sign- up sheet, I mean how often do you get famous female scientists giving a speech? The actual speech, not too bad but a little disappointing. They actually never told us the title of the speech! Thus, through the whole thing, I was left trying to piece all the bits of information together and link it to some mysteriously unknown 'idea' whence it all gravitates towards. Then halfway, this old lady toppled off her chair and banged her head on the floor's metal drain. Good grief. Didn't stay back for the posh lunch in the GCR because I had to hurry off for rock climbing.

Rock climbing wasn't bad at all. This week, we climbed more walls than the previous. Indoor rock climbing is a really satisfying activity, especially when you make it to the top and look down at all those beneath. The 'falling' part where the belayer lets you down inch by inch can be said to be the most gratifying bit. It's like a fun reward after climbing up so high and hard. Mr Morton and Mrs Vincent are good outdoor teachers because of the constant stream of encouragement they shout at you from ground level. Finished off with the usual aching arms and sore fingers. Must work on my arm muscles and finger power.

Due to the Cheltenham Town versus Newcastle football match, the matrons banned all girls from going into town yesterday in fear that some drunken football maniac roaming around the High Street might come along and bash our heads or something. Well, that's a perfectly valid reason. The notoriety of British football fanatics is well- known around the world. I have this vague hunch that Cheltenham Town lost, what do I care anyway...football is so not my thing. Ms Ralph got us some DVDs for a in- house movie to make up for it all. Watched 'The Island'.

As with all science fiction movies, The Island brings up the issue of cloning for therapeutic purposes. Instead of growing a single organ in a petri dish and the like, one business- minded doctor created walking, talking, intellectually normal clones and 'reared' (if you like) them in this mega futuristic complex. To crush the littlest developing buds of natural human curiosity, all the clones get memory implants and were taught since their creation that they had been saved from some horrible 'Contamination' that devestated the whole of the outside world. However, in all stories, there is a beginning, a problem, turning point and resolution. Problem; Ewan McGreggor's 'Lincoln' clone goes around and pokes his nose into everything and realised that there's something fishy going on. The middle to end part of the show was a bit of a let- down with loads of exploding cars and gunfights. Sigh.

The issue: therapeutic cloning and the abuse and violation of so- called 'clone rights'. At which stage do you harvest the organs for transplant? Is it the embryotic stage or perhaps will the harvesting have to take place at the clone's mature adult stage? Is it right to grow and sacrifice this 'other you' in order to save yourself from death? The 'other you' is in no way less human than you are in any way, save its (no, his/her) birth. Where ethical and scientific issues clash, there is no one right answer. Perhaps humans just have to accept the fact that birth, life and finally death all come in a 'buy one, get two free' package. How can one fully comprehend what life is when he/she has absolutely no idea of what death is? Okay, this sounds so philosophical...Being the more pro- science individual, I say that an increased obsession with ethics and morals impede scientific advancement but of course the question of conscience comes in...

Sunday (today)

Happy Chinese New Year to one and all!

Woke up real early and hit the gym with Zakiyyah and Natsuki this morning. I really have to work on increasing leg power, raising stamina, decreasing hip fat, tightening abdominal muscles and gaining arm power. Lots to do and so little time. Train train train. It's amazing how fit one feels after returning from the gym. Hooray for exercise!

For lunch, the kitchen staff attempted to cook a Chinese lunch for us. Well, no prizes for guessing how they fared. Of course, it didn't look or taste anywhere near Chinese but at least I got my rice...Not complaining...Went to Waitrose (a big supermarket near St Hilda's) to look around. Nothing special really, but I'm quite in love with their interior design. Somehow, the whole place looks large and clean and what my dream supermarket looks like.

Supper by the kitchen staff was absolute rubbish; just rolls and tomato soup. Good grief, how can anyone survive on that? Got a Chinese takeaway from Emerald, not as good as mommy or Jie's cooking but will do. The stupidest part was like Dawn, Zing and I were panicking because Ms Ralph wouldn't let us out (Sunday night out is a prefect's priviledge, we're not prefects so going out for dinner was out of the question) and we didn't know the phone number of any of the restaurants. In the end, we realised the presence of the thing called 'Internet'. Moral: keep cool in times of a crisis and all will be fine. I'm so full now. I bet there's too much MSG in the food, drank like 1 litre of water in the last two hours. God, can hardly breathe right.

Love,
-xinying-

PS. can't wait for half term and end of term!

Spring Exeat

The fixed exeat was at Elizabeth this time round. I just packed two sets of clothes to bring along with me and not forgetting my pillow and bulky duvet. Thank god I didn't throw the duvet and pillow case away when settling down last year, if not I would have to carry it all in a rubbish bag all the way to Elizabeth and look like a burgler.

Watched Monster- in- law after Friday night's dinner. After the show, stood with Helen at the windows to watch the stars and spot planes. We didn't see the Milky Way. At around midnight, we felt hungry so hastened to the coffee area to make toast. The first night in Elizabeth, we set off the fire alarm! Well, it wasn't our fault really...The coffee area was small, the window (notice it's singular, not windows) unopenable and the stupid rickety toaster emitted smoke. The ever faithful ultra sensitive fire alarm went off of course all thanks to poor ventilation and the dangerous household appliance. The whole first floor smelt of burning toast...We made everyone run frantically to the assembly point (they knew this wasn't the usual fire practice as they genuinely smelt smoke) in the dead of the night. Oh dear, I just hope word of this doesn't get out, I'll be murdered in my bed...

The toast was burnt and the whole business put us off eating anything else.

Woke up late on Saturday morning. Went down to town with Zakiyyah and Huda to get my daily essentials, toothpaste and the like. The moment I stepped out of Elizabeth, a damn bird pooed on my nice new black coat, the wet, sticky and dripping kind. I couldn't help but notice it's poo was yellow in colour. Interesting colour for shit...Gave the coat to Mrs Gregory and she offered to wash it with nice- smelling powder and stuff for me. Just how sweet can she get...aww! Then walked all the way from Elizabeth to the Sports Hall with Helen to sit in the middle of the football field to stare at the sky and stone. Then we walked all the way to the railway station and back. Sounds stupid but the best way to keep fit and waste time is to walk, and considering the good weather (a tad chilly), it's good exercise. Felt uber strong and healthy when I got back. Played Bona's pipa too!

After a rubbish supper of oily sausague in short crust and fried sausagues (good grief, what's happened to Jamie Oliver's healthy eating in schools programme?), went to watch Titanic in the huge drawing room. Hmm, actually this is the first time I've watched the full and complete version of Titanic. Gosh, I'd really hate to be the people stuck on board. Then watched another film with Natsuki.

Went to the gym as usual on this morning (Sunday) then went out for lunch with Natsuki, Jes and the HK girls. Oh my, the feeling of eating real Asian food is amazing. Real, not like the fake sort the dining hall staff come up with. Roast duck rice, beef udon, fried rice, spring onion with chicken and ginger rice and char siew noodles. Yummmm. But of course, I didn't eat all of that. We called all those stuff and shared it, more variety you see. Ohhh, I love Chinese food!

Some idiot's lighted a bonfire and now my hair stinks of smoke. Bleah, gotta wash it again.

Love,
-xinying-

Boring

My life is becoming more boring.

The authorities shifted the 'block Internet' time forwards again. This time, to a cruelly early 11pm. Don't you understand people, the night's still young! Loads of time for online news listening blah. But I'm way too tired to complain any more. I suppose speaking to them would just like trying to persuade a drug addict wannabe not to take drugs. Useless. When I found out about this crass policy, I was so angry that I deliberately stayed up to read my storybook. See here, blocking the Internet isn't a way to make little kids like us go to bed early. Pooh to you!

Yesterday's prelim round on the Biology coursework experiment went quite well. I was afraid that milk (undiluted with any enzyme) wouldn't register a reading on the colorimeter and that the whole thing would be screwed. Luckily, it all went rather well. Fixed the values for the 'recipe' of stuff needed and got okay results. Not brilliant as I would've hoped for but okay. Need to fiddle with the timings of the experiment to improve things a bit. Well, I'm boring you with all these...I know. Told you my life's getting boring.

Oh yeah, suddenly I remember the Chemistry practical the class did last Monday. Poisonous! We were made to combust a variety of fuels (methanol to hexan- 1- ol and the like). Spent a rather relaxed 2 hours burning the smelly liquids. Now I know what it's like to be an employee working at a petrol station, you can intoxicated with those fumes (and god knows if they actually do any harm to your body)...Is it safe to burn fuels without masks? Wouldn't inhaling too much of the stuff be a potential health hazard? I feel like a poisoned catalyst, nevermind, poor analogy.

***

Aaah and currently in the UK, there's this thing about employing sex offenders in schools. Not too sure whether it's people who have previously committed those crimes or just the suspects etc. But whatever it is, isn't the scheme just crazy? You can accuse me of being unforgiving and biased against ex- prison convicts but the fact still remains that they did commit such crimes before. If the government or school were to employ them, wouldn't young children be an easy target for those who haven't turned over a new leaf yet? Of course, there are some who are bound to feel deep remorse for their past actions but it simply isn't possible to read the human soul clearly. Who knows what goes on in their minds. How is it possible to confirm if they've really learnt from a past jail experience or still perverted up there? As there is no possibility of drawing a definite conclusion about these people (I'm sounding so offensive again) and their morals, it is best not to engage them in the teaching profession or anything directly related with schools and children. After all, we often hear of 'serial rapists' in the news...

***

This coming Saturday is exeat. Quite looking forwards to spending a quiet time by myself and hopefully, eating out in some Chinese restaurant.

There's a pimple on my earlobe and it's always getting in the way of my earring. Stupid pimple.

Love,

-xinying-

BEWARE!

Look who's watching...Big Brother's gonna track your every move, so take care and make sure to toe the line.

My desktop wallpaper

Some call the running of these things a 'Nanny State', one in which the authorities have a nearly total control of everyday things and the decision- making. Supposedly for the benefit of the people (slightly dim and weak- minded, with the tendency of perpetually making the wrong choices). Well, maybe I shouldn't even have bothered with getting a laptop in the first place given the number of restrictions.

Or perhaps, they may view us as a precious little lump of stuff which cannot afford to be exposed to the evils of the World. I take it that they endeavor to nuture us into pure, good and industrious people without the addiction to games and chat etc.

Take no offence, these words are spewed from the mouth of one who may not be absolutely neutral and is prone to offending others.

Anyway, Perspectives on Science today was tolerable. The magazine article we were made to read was enlightening and meaningful. Using giant pouched rats to detect minefields in Africa. A brilliant way of making them pesky rodents useful and loved. The discussion was alright. Somehow things get a little boring when none of one's friends are in the same session. Okay, don't look at me and don't accuse me of clique- ing with the Asians. The fact is that they're easier to make friends with and more friendly because they're new too.

Starlab was okay. Was the only Asian and new girl in that session. Sucks? I don't know...Watched how to set up the delicate equipment and giant inflated tent. The stars projected on the roof of the dome was quite cool.

Rock climbing was good though. 3 LC1s and 3 SFC1s. Got taken from Farnley to this big outdoor centre with loads of rock walls and bouldering walls. We put on our pointy rock- climbing shoes, helmets and harness and were ready to start. Learnt a bit of bouldering first. Bouldering: climbing a rock face without ropes or any sort of safety equipment. Sounds dangerous, I bet it is and certainly won't be attempting anything of this nature in the forseeable future. Then we got on to a bit of basic rock- climbing. Did the figure- of- eight knot, the belaying and of course, the climbing. Tiring on the fingers and arms, but that's to be expected in one who has non- existent muscles.

Forced to go for this church service tomorrow. I don't mind going for it but it happens to clash with my gym time and calling home time...sigh. Have to shift everything and can't call home early. It sucks.

Love,

-xinying-

School again

It was terrible having to leave home again for school. School. I've never really liked that word, ever since I was a kid. I don't quite remember my first nursery school experience or the associated feelings, that was ages ago. They tell me I deliberately fell and hurt myself in order to avoid being separated from my family. That is rather hard to believe, how could I have been so devious and scheming? Where did all the intelligence go? Then they say I got sick everyday and threw up each morning's breakfast like Old Faithful (you see, I did my vomitting act on a regular daily basis). How I managed to coax myself to regurgitate everything, I have long forgotten that tactic but it certainly does come in handy at times.

Going back to College this time round definitely wasn't as disastrous as previously mentioned. Determined not to cry or be a softie, I did not look back after entering the boarding areas. To the onlooker, I must have appeared very rude not to wave or blow kisses at my family who had taken time off to see me safely to the airport. But it couldn't be helped. When something unavoidable to a mildly distateful nature awaits you, the last thing you'd want to do is to look back and start wishing and regretting. Thankfully, I didn't make that fatal error of turning around to wave a last goodbye.

Something went wrong with the plane ticket bookings on the travel agent's side therefore there were no economy class tickets left. I was left with two options; wait till a later date before returning (but that meant a delayed return by almost a week), or buying a more expensive available ticket to back me back in time for the Spring Term. Daddy chose the latter. He put me on Swiss Air business class. Wow! I had wanted to travel in business class for a long time, after tasting the luxury of SilkAir First Class (hmm...I only remember that the seats were ridiculously big, but that could be because I was tiny child).

Honestly, I was really nervous when I got the High Class Lounge Entry Ticket. I was seriously scared. I had this weird idea that the airport staff would throw me out of the lounge because I didn't look old/ rich/ elegant enough. My fears were allayed when I saw that most people in the lounge wore casual clothes and looked like simple beach- going tourists. That set my mind at ease. No one looked twice.

Travelling via Swiss Air business class is one experience I wouldn't want to forget. The leg- room was so long. The seats were wide and spacious (comfy enough, I reckon for a fat bloke). Not only that, they were so high- tech. Lots of luminous buttons on the armrest. Amazing. But my self- consciousness got the better of me again. I didn't want to appear a stupid country bumkin and make a fool of myself by testing the function of each button, thus I started to spy on the woman next to me and how she operated the chair (she was doing it like a seasoned business class traveller). They served drinks, no such service if you're in economy class mind you.

However, I couldn't really make head or tail of the announcements. Most of it was in French, German and probably Italian. Tucked away somewhere in between, the captain did say a few words in English.

The dinner was superb. Beef steak! Gosh, compared this to the prison- like box sets which economy class passengers get. The beef wasn't served in the plastic box as I expected but in white ceramic dishes to add to the posh- ness. They kept serving drinks and 'offering' bread. A tad annoying like didn't I just say no...The meals came very frequently and often at the end, the steward/ stewardess would offer exquisite little pieces of Swiss chocolates and Danish pastries. Am I making you hungry (possibly jealous)?

Dad told me that I needn't get off the plane during the refuelling in Thailand. But in the end, I had to. It disrupted my sleep. Nearly got lost in the airport and the crowds, whoa! Lesson: join the shortest queue possible and always ask where the boarding gate is. Strange...I got mistaken for a Thai and this random airport officer started giving me instructions in Thai.

Surprisingly, when I reached Heathrow, there wasn't even a queue in sight at the immigration. Only a mere four people in front of me! I cleared the customs and got my luggage in under 20mins. Amazing.

Met Fiona at the National Express waiting point. Haha.

Now I'm back in school again. I hate being away from home...

Love,
-xinying-

PS. hope to go rock climbing this Saturday.

Syonara Singapore

Hey, this is my last entry in Singapore before I fly back tonight. Wheeeee! It's so horrid, I've only been back for about two short, miserly weeks and now it's back again to school. I don't suppose I'll update blogger for the next few days (busy little bee), will be busy studying for tests and occupied with flicking the specs of dust off my bookshelves. *cough cough*

Yesterday was a very productive day. Bought all the essentials left on my shopping list. Daddy finally managed to get hold of the plane tickets (and for a moment I thought I would not be able to fly back) and mommy went for her laser treatment. Started packing and now I'm almost done.

Some photos taken during Jie's birthday dinner.

Great...and I'll be missing Chinese New Year. Noooo! Packed a box of suji cakes and prawn crackers to celebrate in my room on CNY night. It's quite a sad prospect, no 美珍香香脆肉干, I can forget about trying to 拜访亲戚朋友 and getting 红包 (heh heh).

刚刚回到家又必须离开，的确是有点依依不舍。 但这次一定会比上一回来得好， 肯定不会那么害怕或伤心， 毕竟已经开始习惯独自生活。 我只希望这个学期会比上一个来得更快乐。现在我祝自己一路顺风，平安到达伦敦。

Love,

-xinying-

PS. do NOT be the rabbit

Pics

Welcome to the Cotswold! Picturesque, quaint small- towns in the countryside; buttocks UP if you agree. Ducks ain't got thumbs okay.

The Dial House. Serves the best meals in all of England. Pigeon meat, game meat etc. Pa, ma and me; Chao's hands are so shaky.

Outside of the B&B. Cosy little place yea? Pa and ma.

We visited the Roman Baths too. Obviously...Patron goddess - Sulis Minerva. The name comes from Minerva as in the Roman goddess of wisdom and Sulis, the goddess of the locals Brits. Very tactful politics indeed.

Bring forth the holy waters! They supposedly have healing powers. ..you don't believe that do you? But I touched it anyway =P These marvellous buildings have been standing ever since they were raised from the grounds. A truly amazing arhitectural feat! Aye those Romans...

Well, if you don't believe in the healing powers of Sulis Minerva (how dare you!), at least they did...These things require trust. They also need an extra large dose of good old modern science.

An apparition of a Roman foot soldier. And a handsome and muscular one too! Ha ha ha...Seriously, the injured and battle- weary visited the spring

Chao and I armed with the audioguides. It was pretty amusing really to see everyone in the same pose.

That guy is really talented...random shot by Chao.

Bird's eye view of London from the very top of St. Paul's Cathedral. May the sun never set on...no no no not the British Empire! We've come a long way from imperialism. Climbing all the way up those ancient stone steps and metal grill stairs...a horror journey in it's own right.

And the two of us, too tired and sweaty to care.

Aaah...watched a musical at Queen's. Presenting...*drumrolls*

Apparently I looked exactly like this when I was a kid. Such uncanny, angry resemblance. Probably my first day at nursery...Every kindergarden teacher's worst nightmare - me!

Florence Boot Hall. Nottingham University.

Contact

Oooh. I met Shi Ning online last Saturday night. Then I stumbled on the idea of using the Webcam since the last time we saw each other was on the 28th Feb (collecting of O level results), and that's ages ago. Given my luck and everything, of course the Webcam didn't work. Nearly died trying to figure out how to make it connect to the computer and everything, I'm not a genius with these things. You can when you believe...and I did it, but only after rebooting the com several times. Had the most fun and happy conversation. We did weird and crappy stuff like 'oscillate' in front of the Webcam and made queer faces at each other. I really am a nutty peanut. Never happier catching up with an old school friend =)
(This paragraph is dedicated to Shi Ning)

Gratified with the invention of instant messaging. It is by far the cheapest and quickest way for an overseas student to communicate with family and friends back home etc. I can understand why Coll bans (and blocks) the use of instant messaging programmes, in the fear that some go overboard and get addicted to the virtual world. That fear is not unfounded but they shouldn't simply tar everyone with the same brush. It's so unfair to impose some random ban just because of a few black sheep, it makes no sense! The purpose of education is to nuture and cultivate independent learners isn't it? Ideally, students should be able to discover for themselves their best study methods and 'life habits', of course with a bit of adult guidance. By imposing restrictions (based on the minority), I'm not quite sure...They do us foreign students a huge disservice, denying us of blah.

Ah yes. Went to the army market yesterday to buy the bits and pieces needed for D of E. Bootlaces, LED torch etc. Currently thinking of downgrading to Silver.

Celebrated Jie's birthday (my very fantastically belated one too as well) at the Ritz Carlton. My eating spirits were unfortunately dampened by the terrible sight of my chunky legs and hippo thighs in the elevator's reflective mirror wall. Absolutely disheartening. The food was good but I didn't eat with the usual gusto. I have to work hard on trimming down. It is a must.

Had a rather annoying but relatively fruitful shopping trip with mom today. Got most of the odds and ends to take back to England. But BUT no trousers. Now I need something along the lines of XXXXL.

Love,
-xinying-

PS. Will post some photos soon.